
Meet Jack
Jack, dedicated husband, focused employee, gentleman in the making, was once the man with swag. He was the talk and envy of all the single ladies, at one point in his prime. Now, growing a bit of a belly, prone to watch a little too much telly, Jack was getting soft as jelly.
His ego had taken a beating. His wife now focused on her career was leaving him wanting and not getting. The playful humor in the bedroom from the honeymoon was long gone, with all her best efforts driven and directed towards work. Career first. Being the fierce independent feminist that she was, he didn’t see where he belonged on her agenda of life.
Jack was now obsolete. His leadership too outdated to be of value. The man felt useless in his relationship. All the accolades he loved and wanted were coming from coworkers and the few remaining friends Jill had not yet chased away.
Not one to cheat, all the chasing away Jill did left him feeling inadequate as a man who couldn’t be trusted, as she always told him, “women are far smarter than men… they can steal you from me if I’m not careful to block them”.
Demoralized, Jack even knew his bank account was powerless next to hers. She made far more. Did far more. And never checked in with him about any of her decisions, while insisting he always check in with her and get her consent. After all, she ran the home, knew all the needs of the home, and it was more effective to have one leader in the home… the one with the high heel stomp.
Sensing his lack of relevance, Jack had stopped showing affection. What was the point. It never ended with sex anyway. Buying things didn’t matter, as thank yous were few and far between. Box of chocolate, flowers that die, gifts that got quickly exchanged, all signs that his contribution was not needed.
Jack understood that he was just a social place holder, as in their church, a good woman who was single had negative stigma associated with her, so Jill married him to check off another to-do item off her list. He was now hanging on her wall of ever growing accolades.
What was the point of trying when she always could do it much better. Jack felt the blues. Had no other option but to endure, as he too didn’t believe in divorce. What kind of example this was going to be for children that Jill wanted… when Jack knew he’d be seen as weak and deadbeat thanks to the language his wife was currently using.
Meet Jill
Jill couldn’t understand the issues Jack was having. Everything was running according to plan. The man just refused to keep up with the good things in his life. He wanted to show he was the boss. But there was no need to flex, she had it all under control. She was holding him down. She was supporting him. She made life easy for him by making all the hard decisions. All he had to do was just pursue his career and enjoy his life.
To make matters worse, he was not grateful for all the blocks she put on those thirsty women who wanted to sleep with him. She knew their game, their score, but he was a good naive little momma’s boy that she had to protect. She had grown up through the school of hard knocks. She was a survivor. She loved his zest for life, but of late, he was withering away and she couldn’t revive him.
No matter how many times she checked him, confronted him, lectured him, sent him motivational snapchat messages, the man just was pulling way farther and faster by the the day.
Fully prepared to run a home, she was confused by his lack of appreciation of her hard work and felt insulted that he felt the need to tell her how to be a lady. Her parents had raised her perfectly, who was he to mess with a winning formula. Her career, her awards, her mentees, and her church all vouched for her skills and everyone needed her advice. Why couldn’t he humble himself and just play ball. She had the winning plan.
Well versed in the literature of leaning in and ruling as a boss, Jill couldn’t understand why Jack was deliberately sabotaging her kingdom that she affectionately called Queendom. So popular a move, she had thousands of social media followers learning from her how to set up their own Queendom. The additional revenue was making their lives luxurious. Yet, sourpuss Jack kept sliding back into an ego driven darkness that threatened to ruin an otherwise perfect relationship.
Sure, she could use a bit less of his demands for her to dress slutty and she could use a bit less of his weak attempts to run their relationship, but he was a good man otherwise.
Meet the counselor
It didn’t take long for the issues to surface quickly. The couple had started off well, but their hyper busy schedule left no time for them to talk together. Instead, using surrogates of technology, they quipped few commands at each other and called it effective communication of the modern era.
Flying by each other briefly a few times a week to ask “are you OK” as the extend of their family time together. Making massive power plays at work took the majority of their time and keeping up with their social presence ate up the rest. Friends knew more about the team than they did about themselves.
On top of that, the changing nature of their romance, due to marriage, had not been met with conversations about changing expectations. All matters of the heart were filled with assumptions and wishful thinking. Jill thought she had to do it all and prove to him that she was not that traditional dependent gal who weighed her man down. He was trying hard to be involved around the house to prove that he was not an archaic chauvinist, yet her efforts to keep him away from domestic duties was hurting his ego the same as her chastisement of his lack of romantic spontaneity.
Jack had not prepared himself for a life where his partner made way more than he, and now feeling irrelevant, Jill’s humorous dismissal of his feelings further angered and frustrated him to the point of withdrawing from her. Jill, not one to back down from a challenge, chased Jack with earnest to keep the relationship alive, a move that further dwindled his desire to chase her and be romantic.
Jill, not wanting to be seen as a sex object, resented Jack’s visual voracious appetite and routinely put him on a diet. Jack felt it highly insulting that Jill would try to teach him what was sexy and appropriate to see, when as a man, he knew what he liked. The resulting uncertainty made him question his virility as a man and often led to angry outburst trying to put his lady in check. She, all too ready to counter, would respond and checkmate him quickly.
on the final page, let’s see what could be done to fix this relationship