Most families are very excited about having children. It is a moment of great celebration and happiness. The seed that was planted has come to bloom. That first year is incredible. Lots of adventures and discoveries. It is a sweet precious time in the life a family
Things get a bit more relaxed as the child starts to gain a bit more independence. Many make the mistake of thinking that things are now starting to go into cruise control. As long at the growing toddler is fed and changed, all is well.
Others do not feel that way. They work even harder to provide opportunities to keep the mind of their child stimulated and growing. They invest in many things to expand the mind of their child. And while that is great, it is a very intensive labor that will no show fruits for a while to come.
This watering of the flowers in the household makes sense when thinking of the children. They need our love, our affection, our time. This can not be argued with. No one can convince this blog or any good parent that they should invest less in their children than they already do. Most parents only wish they had more resources to give to help.
The reality is, there is always a little more that can be given. And while it’s hard to convince supermom that she’s not doing enough, not enough dads make the effort to become superdad to match the efforts of supermom.
Let me explain. As this can be easily taken the wrong way.
While mom is usually juggling the work of the house, the children, and of her boss, she could use a little bit more help from dad. Sure he’s tired from the office, but in truth, he’s just as tired as mom who came home from work about the same time. Thankfully, more and more men are stepping up to help at home, as they know they’re just as accountable as mom is.
I think that men have an extra added duty towards the home. One that is a bit tricky to negotiate and appreciate at times. The man has to keep in mind that he invited his lady into his world to create the home that is their kingdom. (for simplicity of example, a hetero-normative example is being used)
With this notion of invitation in mind, a man can better see why he has to be a solid rock of support and encouragement to his lady as the whole family adjusts to the arrival of a new child. One mentor once explained it this way. The man adds love to the home, the woman multiplies that love back to her husband and showers her child(ren) with that love.
If a man opts to go the selfish route of demanding his needs be met, he is not showering his relationship with the right nourishment to sustain his needs in the long run. Eventually, the woman will grow weary with fatigue and will turn he attention away from him and focus just on her child(ren). That is only fair and makes total sense. The guy has no grounds to be as upset as he’d like to be.
The results of investing to keep the whole family watered means as the relationship grows through the various seasons it has, everyone will have their needs met. They will bloom and bear out great fruits. Both parents have to water the lives of their children with love and direction. Both parents have to water each other to keep their love blossoming and prospering. Both have to safeguard the relationship.
In the event of a stalemate or a tough bit of negotiation, the default should include provision for the man to provide that initial watering. No matter how tough things get, gentlemen find ways to dig deep and find that extra bit of love to water their home with. This does not give the woman any pass not to dig deep. It just means that while most women are the ones doing the digging… this blog is advocating that the men do their own digging deep first. They want the title of head of household, let them dig first and serve their household.
The official stance of this blog is that both the mom and dad are the heads of the household and jointly run the place through love, negotiation, planning, and being wise in general. But when the well runs dry and there is serious need of replenishment, guys, step it up and provide! She will multiply and amplify your love and everyone will win.
If, after reading this blog, you realize you’ve not showered your partner with love, take a moment to do so. If your child(ren) has not gotten their dose of your love, now is a good time to reach out. And sidebar… guys, you’re not messing up your child by saying you love them. (I heard that a few times… and that is just not true) Hug them. Love them. Support them.
In time, the harvest will come and everyone will celebrate together the fruits of the labor invested in the family. For this motivational moment this Monday… do plan time to nourish your relationship as you’re working on nourishing your children. It is vitally important to keep the tank supplied with ample water, as the kids may not always know how to replenish what they take out, depending on their ages.