Play, church, social, friendships, and family forms the community element of the man’s life. You can throw in school too. Most folks see the man in these situations much like the media presents. A guy who is just being a guy.
The notions of a playground tends to still apply. There is a pecking order that men follow. The bro-code. The respect of the alpha male. And other ideas like it.
While those hold true, for the CEO of the home, navigating these various networks is a matter of skill and understanding, not chance. The more emotionally intelligent the man, the easier it is to transition across the various roles in society at large.
Some groups, you’re the head of the group, other groups, you’re following the leader. Some groups, you’re the doorman, others the middle manager. A man isn’t defined by his role in any particular group. He just adjusts and contributes accordingly by adding value.
The funniest thing about being a contributor to your various network, it builds social capital and trust. The men who add the most consistent value tend to rise up the ladder of their network. The word gravitas comes to mind. Leaders are trusted people. They’ve earned that trust. Not taken it by game playing (an unsustainable model of power grabbing).
This of course means that chivalry is not dead. Chivalry is not the act of impressing a woman… only. It’s the way of a gentleman. It’s the way of kindness and respect giving. It’s the way of honor. The way of a soulful warrior. The way of leading through service and keeping earned trust.
It takes inner strength to be gallant in all situations instead of being cavalier. It take strength to bit your time instead of forcing your way. It takes strength to honor the work of another man instead of grabbing attention. Yes, chivalry is more than pulling a chair for a lady, it’s a way of life that makes one a distinguished man instead of just another guy.
A real man has no room for negative traits. Things like coercion, manipulation, lies, deceit, aversion, and a whole lot more. Just because he’s got no room for them doesn’t mean he’s not aware of them. A gentleman will see and navigate around such in a skillful respectful way. He won’t let those negative traits infiltrate him, but he works to uphold his positive traits and values… thus leaving a positive influence on his community.
A note about submission
Too many males feel they understand what the concept of submission means. Sadly, they see it in a self-serving context of control. From that vantage, someone is bound to pay a serious price. Tragically, it’s those who most depend on a male’s leadership that pay the heaviest costs for such a narrow mindset.
Let’s start with the basics first. Submission is a willful act of giving a degree of control to an entity outside oneself. This is a normal part of life. Everyone submits to someone in a capacity or the other. If that wasn’t the case, we’d not be social creatures who can be influenced by others.
A man knows who he has to submit himself to. His degree of awareness of such a choice is dependent on his self-awareness levels. It could be his boss, his best friend, his mentor, his teacher, his father, or some other man. Of course, in the spiritual realm, God is the ultimate being to whom he should submit himself to.
This does not make him any less of a man. By knowing who holds your affection, you know just how much you’re submitted to that influence. It’s just the normal course of life.
With this understanding, that submission is a free will choice, one can understand how such submission can be rescinded. Taking back your submission just means you’re taking back your willingness to be influenced by whomever you were submitted to. Because this happens in various degrees, the influence is also in various degrees.
No one likes to be forced or coerced into a position of submission. Most males instinctively resist and rebel against forced submission. By the way, fellas, it’s human to resist forced or imposed submission… therefore, don’t be surprised if women resist when forced into an unnatural position of submission (regardless of how small or large that position may be)
Most men will only submit to an influence they trust, know, understand, respect, and honor. That means, they only listen to influences they’ve decided they trust and honor. Of course, let’s not be naive and ignore the subtle choices that are done passively. Example, some men trust the media for their news and don’t cross-reference with other outlets to verify facts… IE… they submit to that outlet because they trust it. That’s the normal course of life.
So, fellas. Don’t ask or tell a woman to submit to you. As a co-CEO of your home, earn her trust, respect, honor by providing her a sense of security and safety that is most conducive to her deciding to submit whatever part she deems necessary to you. This sounds radical and controversial but isn’t. It’s exactly what you’d want for yourself. Just afford her the same level of respect.
The difference being… when a woman decides to submit any part of herself to a man she values and respect, IE her husband, she’s bringing the might of her network, intelligence, and resources to support such a man. The difference is subtle but valuable. The man brings his abilities to provide for his lady. The lady brings her abilities to empower such a man to be a better provider. As a team, they work as equals to provide the home with the best CEOs it can have. The home wins. The relationship wins. Therefore, everyone wins.
Men and Women Want Love: Just get there differently
From a Christian’s perspective, God is the head of the home. The man submits to God and gains resources and strength from God to provide and amplifies for his family. The woman submits to the man, takes what is provided and multiplies it back to him and the rest of the family. As such, the resulting triangle feeds itself what it needs. God needs us to manage resources responsibly, a tribute of honor to His gifts. When we do, we provide for each other and raise each other up as perfect sacrifices to Him.
The man is willing to sacrifice himself for his responsibilities… his home. He works tirelessly to provide. The woman does the same. She’s not alone in the work, she’s got her man by her side. The children benefit and are raised honorably with all the necessary results. Their gift back to their parents is the respect and honor that they should give… as God prescribed.
Note of emphasis: Fellas, just like you can raise a family solo (some find that hard to believe), a woman can as well (proved time and time again). Do not ever make the mistake of pushing her down below you. She’s your equal. Has always been. Will always be. However, the minute you stop being a man and regress back to just being a male, you’ve lowered yourself below her… and she’s going to retract her submission and do what she must to take care of herself and her family without you. Don’t hurt her by being less of a man. Honor her by being the best man you can be. Keep elevating yourself and becoming better. That way, she can focus on being her best self for you and her family. Your job is to facilitate her being her best self so she can focus on hers. This is best achieved by being your best self and loving from your heart and leading with your mind.