The Proactive Model

Not all of life circumstances can be planned for. Let’s just call it for what it is. We can’t guess what harm or joy will come our way. What we can plan for are the what-if scenarios. Many have learned that by planning ahead, the risk of panic and poor decision making drops. The more rehearsed the plan, the easier it is not to freeze up or make the wrong choice.

Doubting this? Think of fire drills at school and evacuation practices. The last thing the school needs are a bunch of scared children frozen in fear in a burning hallway or a child unsure of what to do running full tilt the wrong way towards a burning hallway.

The practiced drills allow the children to have a framework of what to do in their moment of need.

All parents, by the way, should have an exit strategy for fire in their home. Same for nearly all other types of natural disasters. Most emergencies can be planned for. How, you ask? The news have shown use enough types of emergencies that a conversation can be had about most situations and a plan can be addressed.

Furthermore, the mindset of success can be practiced and developed. In the case of both families above, their situations grew tight over time. It was not all smooth sailing Monday and then Tuesday the world went to crap on them. However, the day they realized that things was very tight they had a choice to make. React or build a plan.

Most people forget, and it’s not their fault really… it’s biology, most situations do not need to be solved instantly. Contrary to how social media has programmed many to react. A family can take a moment to plan a pause day to think and brainstorm solutions.

Thanks to most people having mobile phones, they can easily Google ideas while waiting for their clothing to dry when doing laundry. Most people can ask a friend or coworker their thoughts about something, anything, that would start the creative pursuit of solutions.

When Boxed In

The feeling of being boxed in can be very serious. It pushes some to panic. It pushes others to stress. And most forget that our children look to us to learn how to handle stress. The best thing we can do for them, as we do want to protect them and raise them well, is model the example of cool level thinking. By the way, that does not mean ignore feelings. It means taking the necessary time to think. Plan. Test. Review. Accelerate solutions.

Most battles are won in the mind first and foremost. If one is not aware of having had past successes, it is easy to narrowly focus on the imminent doom that is before them.

Knowing that you’ve had success in the past over other problems can build up hope and faith that one can overcome this new problem. When the mind starts to believe it’s possible, it starts to find solutions. When it doesn’t believe so, it won’t bother.

Some think of the worst case scenario. Really, the worst case is that you don’t live long enough to solve your problem. Then someone else will handle it one way shape or form. So, unless you’re fully aware of when you’re drawing your last breath, give up treating it like it’s the worse that could ever happen. It’s not. Even if it feels so.

Whatever the outcome, in the context of time, the problem will look smaller and smaller the further away you go in history. So, instead of waiting for the passage of time, create a bit of space to look at the problem from a bit of distance. That brings about clarity and perspective one might lose when so close.

Example. Instead of “I am so screwed because I can’t make the rent this month”… try “what would someone else do in my situation to get this solved” attitude. Pretend that Einstein was looking at the problem. What could he possibly think about the solutions to this problem? Or what would your parents do? Or your favorite teacher?

Taking on a different view helps a lot. Plus, instead of battling a problem at the end of the day, tired, try early morning, refreshed. Or instead of arguing at home, try negotiating during a walk around the park. Instead of assuming only parents can fix this, make a game… a brainstorming game… to see what the children think might work (age appropriateness applies here too)

Getting back to basics is the key in most situations. What works. What questions to ask. Where to get help. What research to do. What help to enlist. How long to get a solution. How many parts can be solved while waiting to get more data to address the rest.

All of these are fundamental problem solving techniques many forget when in the heat of the moment. To unbox oneself, one has to pause and step out of the box to look for solutions that may well exist right outside the box. Then, bring them to play so one can move out of the box entirely.

Meditation. Prayer. Support groups. Masterminds. Online resources. Offline resources. Some of the tools available to get oneself out of being boxed in.

It’s not just for the kids, it’s also for your well being. Pause. Think. Plan. Go unbox. Sounds simple. Can be simple. In the end, it only works if one does the work of getting out of a boxed situation. You’ve got to do the work. Smart work. Not just hard work. Get it done. In due time, you’ll no longer be in that box.

The above examples were fictional for illustrative purposes. Every person in the course of time will get out of their situation. No one stays in a box forever. How one gets out of one’s box is entire up to fate and the choices that individual makes. Test out a choice, put in the work, repeat until one is out of the box